God Called Me to Be Free!

God Called Me to Be Free!

Devotional thoughts for 8/18/13

from Bible Gateway (http://www.biblegateway.com/devotionals/womens-devotional-bible/)

^“38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

Most likely, Mary planned to marry and raise a family—every Jewish girl’s dream, nothing unusual. Then God revealed his plans for her, and the future Mary envisioned suddenly vanished before her eyes. She had no way of knowing what this change would mean in her life. Did she argue with God? Try to cling to her own plans? Ignore what God was doing? No. Mary humbly accepted what God had for her because she knew her life belonged to him. She saw herself as God’s servant. How do you respond to the changes God brings into your life?”

 

               Last night Gary & I were talking about the childless issue.  I have always had this dark cloud hovering over my head about this.  I thought, that because I saw parents who I thought were “bad parents”, like drug addicts, or people that acted like they hated their kids and had “made” it happen through one means or another, that we must be pretty awful for God to give someone like them kids and not us.  I always thought it was some kind of punishment because I just wasn’t good enough.  Afterall, it is God who opens and closes the womb, as the Scripture clearly states.  And for the last few weeks, God has been speaking to me about my fears.  It all started when I started messaging a Christian friend on FACEBOOK and told him my lifelong verse was Is. 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  That was on the tail of our pastor, Mark Copeland, doing a series on fear based on 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  He said that when God is after something, it can take a lot of work on our part to deal with it.  He had been there, so he was speaking from experience.  I knew God was after my fears and wanted me to deal with them once and for all.  So, I have asked different people to pray.  I know they have been, as God has really been speaking to me through them & on His own about my fears.    
 

               Last night, Gary & I talked about it again.  I expressed to him the same thought about feeling like not having kids was punishment.  He said, of course, that it isn’t—that God is not like that.  Somewhere in my heart I know that is right, but this deep-seated fear shouts otherwise.  As we talked, I kept remembering how when I was a little girl, I wrote down in my school years book one year, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wanted to be a horse-back rider.  I told Gary I didn’t put that I wanted to be a mom, or wife, or have a career, but that was an expression of freedom—I wanted to be free (not that I didn’t want to be married).  I never had that longing to have kids, not like other women do.  I wanted them because it is the acceptable thing to do.  And from time to time I have missed having them, but I never felt the need or drive to have them.  And I felt like somehow God was showing me that He put that in my heart because that is what He wanted for me—freedom to do what He wanted, to be able to pick up and go when He called without the worry of kids.   So, last night I prayed before I went to bed & asked God to speak to me through Bible Gateway’s verse of the day.  Well, it wasn’t the verse of the day that hit me, but the above devotional I found on there.  And this confirmed to me that He had written on my heart His desire for me.  He had put that desire for freedom in me so I would be unencumbered and available to go when He sends me.  There isn’t anything wrong with me.  He created me with this desire.  And it’s okay.  I can reach people no one else can.  He made me this way, so I would fulfill His purpose in my life.  And He encouraged me that it is an honor to be in our position because not everyone could handle it.  (I know this is true because I know of a couple who divorced because they couldn’t have children.)  It truly is a marvelous thing that God has done. 

 

               I know there are a lot of other things that I need to work out, and God will help me.  But, I can close this chapter now.  It’s over.  God made me the way He wanted me to be.  And He will shape me as He desires for His use to do the works He called me to do and planned for me to walk in.  Thank You, Lord. 

               Maybe you are struggling with your station in life, too, wondering why God has allowed something in your life, feeling tortured inside, fearful or angry.  Rest assured, God has you right where He wants you.  He isn't punishing you.  He made you the way He wanted you.  Keep trusting His loving hand to lead you, strengthen you, and help you.  Keep trusting Him.  “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God has planned beforehand, that we should walk in them.”  Eph. 2:10